My name is Tan How Wei, and I am writing to you to introduce myself as one of your students in your effective communication classes. I graduated with a diploma in Environmental Management and Water Technology from Singapore Polytechnic. Despite belonging to the school of architecture, this diploma had a lot of engineering elements— which was a plus-point for me, given that my unwavering interest in engineering was able to be further nurtured.
As a child, I spent most of my time exhausting the encyclopaedia collection at home. Back then, even though I did not have the capacity to understand the complex calculations and designs behind the feats of engineering I had read about, I was able to appreciate their beauty. Every single thing that we use today was once a mere drifting idea in someone's head; he/she had the knowledge to make the ideas come true and was committed to make it real, and now we can enjoy the fruits of his/her labour. This admiration was what drove me to seek an undergraduate degree in engineering.
I believe one of my communication strengths is that I am not shy to present to strangers. In fact, it excites me to be able to share something in my head to another completely separate being. People have told me that they liked how I simplify concepts in ways that are easily understood even by laypeople.
My weakness in communication is how I can easily go off-tangent. Sometimes, even though I feel that the concepts only make sense when presented together, people only need concise details. It is like having a Rube Goldberg machine for show-and-tell, but being restricted to displaying one small part of it.
My goal for this module is to learn to filter unnecessary details in my presentations. I also have not had to present information in a formal setting in a while. I hope to regain the ability to choose an appropriate tone of presentation.
Under your guidance, I hope I will be much better at effective communication than the mess I am now. I really look forward to our upcoming lessons together with the rest of my group.
Yours sincerely,
Tan How Wei
SIE2016 Tutorial Group 5
Edited: 19/9/19
Commented on:
Venjamin
Jun Heng
Sangara
Thanks for making your post already, How Wei. It looks interesting. I'll respond to it once your peers have had a chance to do so.
ReplyDeleteHi How Wei, the formal letter is well organised. Pardon if I am wrong, but I think that there are some errors.
ReplyDelete1. I think that the course name will be better with capitalisation as it is a specific course title.
2. At paragraph 2 line 4, I think that use should be in past tense
Hi How Wei, I feel that you have provided good examples to illustrate your strengths and weaknesses. I feel that your title of the diploma you are in should be caps. What do you mean by “at their basics level”? It can be elaborated by supporting the statement. Seems like we share a similar problem in our presentation. Lets work together to improve ourselves and become a better presenter at the end of this module.
ReplyDeleteHello again How Wei here goes the comments salted with a pinch
ReplyDelete1. [...I am writing to you to introduce myself as one of your students from in your effective communication classes.]
- I think it should either be "..from one of.." or "..in one of..".
2. [Despite belonging to the school of architecture, this diploma had a lot of engineering— which was a plus-point for me, given that my unwavering interest in engineering was able to be further nurtured.]
- I'm not sure if engineering alone would suffice, given the second part to the sentence. Perhaps "engineering elements" might be better suited?
3. [...to understand the complex calculations and design behind the feats of engineering...]
- Design should have an "s" behind to satisfy "calculations" and "feats".
4. [he/she had the knowledge to and decided to make it real, and now we can enjoy the fruits of his/her labour.]
- Regarding "knowledge to" I was wondering "to what?".
- Maybe "he/she had the relevant understanding and resources and decided to make this idea real.
5. [I believe one of my communication strength...]
- Since "one of my" is used, I think it should be "strengths" since "one of my" tends to suggest that there is more than one.
6. [...I explain things at their basic levels.]
- Does "basic" here refer to a level that is understandable to the desired audience or like in a concept at their foundation level(e.g. free body diagram) which builds up into the concept(e.g. calculating forces in a truss structure).
7. [My goal for this module is to learn to be able to...]
- "learn to be able to" is a repeated idea.
8. [...than the mess I am now..]
- Is the second full stop intended?
I hope these comments prove useful and relevant though I may be too rigid about some points. Thanks for the read too.
Thank you for the tips, I have made some improvements with the help you gave!
DeleteDear How Wei,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well-developed and highly informative letter. I feel that you’ve provided enough concrete detail that we readers learn something significant about your background and interest in engineering. For example, you mention how your childhood curiosity and 'admiration' for the beauty of designs connects to your current study focus. That in-depth discussion adds to your letter’s substance, tells us something about who you are, and shows that you’re making connections between prior experience and your current study path.
I also appreciate how you detailed your comm skills strength. Your confidence in sharing is apparent in class and in this post.
In terms of your comm skills weakness, and then goals, I can say with certainty that you’ll have a chance to further develop your presentstion skills in the upcoming oral activities. Let me add though that you are very far from "the mess I am now." This is one of the best letters I've read for this trimester.
I look forward to reading more from you in the coming weeks.
Best wishes,
Brad